Episode 3 – 20th March 2023


How to bounce back from setbacks


“We gotta do the work. And part of the work of building resilience is being able to have good self-awareness, being able to have self-compassion, being able to be grateful for things. Resilience is very important for both our mental and our physical health. It’s important for our relationships. It’s important for our friendships. For our bonding and attachment.”


Episode Keywords:

Building Resilience, Bouncing Back, Setbacks, Growth Mindset, Mindfulness, Self-Care, Gratitude, Self-Compassion, Self-Acceptance, Overcoming Challenges, Fear, Shame, Negative Self-Talk, Social Support, Cognitive Flexibility, Optimism, Realistic Goals, Practicing Gratitude, Seeking Professional Help, Embracing Challenges


Episode Summary

In this episode, we explore the crucial topic of building resilience and bouncing back from setbacks in life. We discuss the importance of developing a growth mindset and delve into strategies for cultivating resilience, such as practicing mindfulness, self-care, and gratitude. We also examine the significance of self-compassion and self-acceptance in building resilience, using examples of famous individuals who have demonstrated these qualities. Additionally, we address common challenges that hinder resilience, such as fear and shame, and offer practical tips to overcome them. By applying these strategies, you can work towards becoming more resilient and creating your own comeback, as resilience exists within all of us, but requires effort and practice to access and strengthen consistently.

Mentioned in the show

Predictors of resilience after negative life events: The role of optimism, social support, and cognitive flexibility (2021) which was published in the Journal of Health Psychology.

Chapter Summaries

(0:00:02) – Building Resilience (7 Minutes) In today’s episode, we explore how to build resilience and bounce back from setbacks. Resilience is the ability to adapt and cope with stress, adversity, and setbacks in life, and while it exists within all of us, how much we access and build upon it varies greatly from person to person. Developing resilience is crucial for our mental and physical health, relationships, and overall success in life. Understanding setbacks and the role of our mindset is vital for building resilience. Two common mindsets are a fixed mindset, where individuals believe they cannot change or improve, and a growth mindset, where individuals see setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth.


(0:07:30) – Mindfulness, Self Care (9 Minutes). We delve into strategies for cultivating resilience, starting with mindfulness as a way to be present and aware of our past experiences, emotions, and potential future outcomes. Building on this foundation, self-care becomes crucial, as it allows us to recognize setbacks and prepares us for recovery. Contrary to popular belief, self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or indulgent; simple acts of kindness towards ourselves and others can be just as beneficial. Next, we discuss the importance of social support from non-judgmental individuals who allow us to prioritize our well-being.


(0:16:50) – Building Resilience Through Self Compassion (6 Minutes). We discuss the importance of self-compassion and self-acceptance in building resilience, using examples of famous individuals who have demonstrated these qualities, such as Torrey Pitt, Adam Goodes, and Nelson Mandela. To truly overcome obstacles and build resilience, finding and embracing self-compassion is key. We also address common challenges in building resilience, such as fear and shame, and emphasize that often our negative thoughts about ourselves are not only untrue but also defeatable’


(0:22:30) – Building Resilience (12 Minutes). We examine the common challenges that hinder resilience, such as core beliefs, fears, and shame, and how to overcome them. Our negative self-talk can be a significant obstacle, and it’s essential to reframe these thoughts with self-compassion and understanding. We also discuss an academic paper on predictors of resilience, emphasizing optimism, social support, and cognitive flexibility. Finally, we offer eight practical tips to build resilience, including practicing self-care, cultivating a growth mindset, building social support, practicing mindfulness, setting realistic goals, practicing gratitude, and seeking professional help if needed’


(0:34:58) – Building Resilience With Self-Compassion (3 Minutes). In this segment, we focus on embracing challenges and seeking help in order to build resilience. Facing challenges and stepping out of your comfort zone can strengthen your ability to bounce back from setbacks. It’s crucial to remember past accomplishments and focus on your capabilities. If you’re struggling to build resilience on your own, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a supportive friend for guidance and support. By applying these strategies, you can work towards becoming more resilient and creating your own comeback. Remember, resilience is within all of us, but it requires effort and practice to access and strengthen it consistently



The 8 Takeaway Tips This Week

1. Practice self-care.

2. Cultivate a growth mindset.

3. Build social support.

4. Practice mindfulness.

5. Set realistic goals.

6. Practice gratitude.

7. Embrace challenges.

8. Seek help if you need it

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Episode Transcript

G;Day/ My name is Nick Bowditch. Welcome to today’s episode of the reboot your thinking podcast. This is the podcast that reimagines mindset, mindfulness, and mental health from the perspective of someone who gives and gets therapy. Today’s episode is about building resilience, how to bounce back from setback. And it’s really important one today because a lot of people talk about resilience and a lot of people sort of get on themselves about not being able to have it or not having enough of it or not showing it quick enough for whatever. And other people say, you know, you just gotta be resilient while resilient. And and, you know, it’s difficult. It’s not just something that everyone can tap into equally or as readily accessible for everybody. And and there’s tips. There’s ways that you can build it. It’s not it’s not a gift. It’s something that you build. It’s something that you work on. It’s something that you uncover. And we’re going to talk a bit about that today, how to bounce back from a setback by tapping into our own resilience.



So starting with what is resilience and and why is it important. Right? So resilience is the ability to adapt and cope with stress and adversity and set backs in life, things that don’t go our way. And it’s it’s a it’s an innate thing for a lot of people. It’s something that people some people you look at and you sort of marvel at their level of resilience. Like, how are you doing this? How are you able to come back from that? Whatever it might be. And for other people, you can sort of think, oh, why aren’t you just getting over this? Why aren’t you getting past it? Why aren’t you tapping into your resilience to get through through this stuff? And the truth of it is that it’s not it’s not given to us all in equal parts. It’s not as equally accessible for everybody. Everybody has it. Right? It’s there. In some level, it’s in us, in all of us. But how much we access it, how quickly and and how able we are to access it, how much of it we can access it and how much we can then build once we have. Depends very much on the individual and the amount of work that we put in. There’s that word again. We gotta do the work. Right? And and part of the doing the work, part of resilience is being able to have good self awareness, being able to have good self compassion being able to be grateful for things. We’ll we’ll cover all this in this session. But the truth of it is that resilience is very important for our for our mental and our physical health. It’s important for our relationships. It’s important for our friendships. For our bonding and attachment. And it’s important for our success in life.



So let’s let’s start today with understanding the setback. Right? And so and and and really just the role of our mindset in this and how we can maybe be aware of the setback, how we can be aware of our our ability to bit to, you know, to combat it, to fight against it, to come back from it. And so on. So there’s certain sort of you know, there’s there’s common types of setbacks. Right? So you lose your job, relationship breakup, friendship breakdown, a a chronic illness. Whatever failure you whatever you perceive as being failure, your your recognition of failure. Right? And all these sort of common setback all have a very similar common underlying thing. And it’s that you were trying for something and now you can’t have it. You know, you were you were aimed with something and you’ve had a setback in the pursuit of that. What whatever it might be, that’s the underlying theme. Right? And that’s the way that we access or we don’t access resilience. Right?



So the role of mindset in this is how we perceive those setbacks and and how we react to them. Right? Do they are they something which is gonna kick us in the ass and hold us down for a long time? Or are they something where we go? Yeah. You know, I really wanted that, but I really wanted that job better. But I didn’t get it and life goes on. Right? So the mindset and which mindset we attack our life and individual parts of our life really matter here. Right? So there’s two kind of things that you if you consume with this sort of content, you’ll you’ll these things will be you’ll know these terms. Right? So there’s either a fixed or a growth mine set.



So a fixed mindset says, well, I’m a failure and there’s nothing I can do about that. Like, I just have to accept that. Or it’s just it’s just the way I am or it’s just the way I’ve always been or because of what happened to me when I was a kid. This is what I do as an adult. You know, all those things come from a bit of a a fixed mindset.



And and I’m reminded of my my great sort of motto, the thing that I live by, and that’s it’s my saying that’s in my head all the time and it’s one of it’s one from Carl Jung, who’s my kind of Carl Jung, who’s my Harry Star. Really. And Jung said, you know, I’m not what happened to me, I’m what I choose to become. And I think it’s a really powerful thing to Keep that in my head, you know. I’m not the trauma. I’m not the fuckups. I’m not the poor decisions. I’m not the relationship breakdowns. I’m not the mistakes. I’m, you know, I’m what I choose to become out of those things, past those things, because of those things. And that’s a really, really important thing for me. And and and I think probably for you, you know, so that’s the difference between those things.



So the fixed mindset says, I’m a failure. I can’t do anything about it. That’s just the way it is. And a growth mindset says, well, I can learn from this and I can come back stronger. Right? And for a lot of people, it’s just the fixed right down the line. They can’t really get past that I can’t change. I I can’t build. I can’t be resilient. There’s nothing to be resilient from or to because this is where I am. This is my mindset. Whereas that growth mindset says, alright. Alright. I’ve made a mistake. I’ve made loads of mistakes. But I can learn from them. I can rebound from them, I can tap into my resilience, and I can build myself back from that. And that’s what we’re gonna talk about today. So there’s a few strategies and tools that that that kind of really help in this build in this recognition of of the mindset of a setback, and then the building back from that mindset from that setback. So I just want you to keep in mind. You you might be thinking you might be listening because you are trying to come back from a setback. So I want you to think of all that, right, in in the moment, like, put everything in the theme of that, put everything in the context of what you’re trying to be resilient from and to and see if we can sort of tap into that today and hopefully give you some strategies to come out of it.



The first thing, the first tip and strategy as it almost always is with all of my shit is mindfulness, is to be aware, to be mindful of What has happened? What might happen? What will happen if I change things? What has happened to me before? And what feelings I have around that. And when I have those feelings, what I generally have done with them in the past, all of those things come from a mindful presence, from being in the moment, from being able to turn down the volume of all the other crazy stuff going on in your head, and being able to say, alright. It’s not that’s not important to me. What is important to me is this what’s happening now. This is what I’m feeling. This is what I want. This is what wanna change. This is what I wanna do. This is how I’m gonna do it. All of those things arise from being able to practice mindfulness.



Now, bluffness for me is a type of meditation that I do. It’s it’s a focus that it’s a real concentrated focus that I have. So I have to have that because I have a lot of moving parts in my head and I have a lot of things that I can’t necessarily control in my head. So I have to turn the volume of those down and turn the volume up of what I really, really want to focus and center myself on. For other people, it’s less meditative and it’s more kind of it’s just their way of being. You know, they’re very mindful of it person. They’re very aware of what’s going on around them and and they’re placing it. And for some people, there’s no mindfulness at all. They’re just not mindful. They’re not present in that. They’re not able to hone in on really what’s happening in that moment. They’re too distracted or or happily distracted. By all the other stuff so they don’t necessarily need to focus on one particular thing.



So mindfulness is really important. It’s a really good strategy to be able to build your resilience. It’s kind of step one. For me. Step two then is self care. You know, you’ll hear a lot of the same sort of things for me because they work. Right?



When you care for yourself, you’re able to first sense that something’s not quite right, that you’ve had a setback or you’re heading towards one, And the self care puts you in a spot where you’re like, alright, I’m ready to go. I’m ready to build back out of this. I can build back out of this. And sometimes we just you know, sometimes you’re just not able to, sometimes she’s just not able to even recognize that. And I think those times are when we’re really not caring for ourselves. We’re not producing that level of self care that we need, that we all need. Right? So self care can can happen in lots of different ways.



And I think self care, the the notion of self care has been bastardized a bit. It’s been sex in the city, a bit where means, you know, you gotta spend money on yourself, or you gotta buy new new shoes, or you gotta have a massage, stuff. And all of those things work, right, if that’s your if that’s your gig. But I think, you know, self care can be as simple as being mindful of what’s going on around you. How you speak about yourself being kind to yourself and to others. Like all those things still count as self care to me as much as the three hundred pair three hundred pair of shoes. So, you know, I think self care is really important. I also think that it’s a particularly often neglect did part of our routine as humans. And I think that’s sad. I think that’s a waste of opportunity. So yeah, self care is really important too to be able to first step into that that resilience to to first tap into it and then to build from it.



Thirdly, then his social support. So I’m someone who would more than happily just live on more island with the very, very few people that I really want to care about and really care for me and ignore the rest of the world and that would be great things. Like, that is that is happened to me. And so I I have some social anxiety. I have some issues with social phobia. That I’m not really great with. Even though I do stand on stage in front of a thousand people and talk about my innermost shit, that is completely different environment for me for some reason. The one on one, one on two, one on four sort of communication is is not great for me.



But I also can recognize that social support is super important to me and necessary for me to to play resilience for me to recognize it back, for me to be able to have self care in some ways. It relies on my social support. I do need people around me. Everybody needs people around them. Even if you’re an ignorant pig like me and don’t want any of that around you, we still recognize that that that’s really what’s needed and necessary for growth and certainly for resilience. So social support is really important. Having people around you who won’t judge you, People around you who will accept you. People around you who will allow you to care for yourself and allow you to put yourself first. Which is really important and really hard to find actually. So if you can find those people, hang on to them with dear life.



So then the last one is gratitude. Now, I know there’ll be some way rolling when I say that because it’s a real kind of buzzword of self help, you know, they are gratitude, but There’s a reason for that. It fucking works. Right? It works. When you are when you are mindfully grateful of something. You become mindfully grateful of everything. When you write down how grateful you are, when you make your gratitude list, when you write down something that you’re grateful for, you are more grateful for it. That’s it’s scientifically proven. It’s a way to forge a new neural pathway that says the gratitude is more open to me. That I’m more open to good stuff happening to me because I’m grateful for it because I’m thankful for it. I appreciate it. These things really work. And if you think about someone in your life who’s who is just consistently miserable and consistently negative, unable to grow in a very, very fixed mindset, then they’re almost certainly never displaying any gratitude. Certainly not to you, but probably not to themselves either and not to the greater community outside of you, both.



Graditude is super important. It is something that helps steer our life into a better spot. And I can’t stress enough how important it is to to be able to at least just wake up, open your eyes in the morning and go, I’m grateful for today. I’m grateful that I’ve opened my eyes, that I’m able to choose now what I do for the day if you are. Super important to be grateful for that. And then at the end of the day, to be able to go our case, Some things were really shit today. But today, I’m really grateful for this, this, and this. When you say it out loud, when you write it down, you become more grateful for those things and you become more a gratitude becomes more readily accessible to you. It’s I’m not That’s not my opinion. That’s not magic at science. Right? So I’d really import like, I just think it’s super, super important.



Then there’s the importance of self compassion, right, and self acceptance in in the whole building of resilience thing. It’s really something that that gets overlooked because I think as kids, if you’re the same age as me, in the same sort of generational concept as me, or a bit older even. Then you were told that the world doesn’t revolve around you. There’s no need to be wallowing yourself pretty get over it. You know, self compassion was discouraged.



And so for us, it’s very difficult to be compassionate with yourself. It’s very difficult to accept yourself because you you’re you’re constantly judging yourself or comparing yourself to to other people? Are you constantly trying to seek other people’s approval? Other people’s acceptance instead of their own? You know, it’s very very difficult to be compassionate to yourself to say, do you know what? I did fuck that up. I have made that mistake. I did the wrong thing there. That doesn’t mean I am wrong. It doesn’t mean I am a fuck up. Right? It doesn’t mean I am a mistake. It means I made mistakes.



And there’s a very big difference between that. That’s the difference between guilt and shame, of course. It’s the guilt says, you know, I did something bad. I did a bad thing. And Shane says, no, no, you you are bad. There’s there’s That’s the fixed mindset stuff. Right?



So self compassion and self acceptance is very, very important in building resilience. You’re building trying to build resilience because you’ve had a setback. Right? Now, if you have no self compassion and if you have no self acceptance or at least a distorted version of that, Then whatever the setback is that you’re trying to be resilient from, you’re also probably saying, I’m responsible for it. And you might be. Right? And I’m not saying, you’re not responsible for any mistakes. What I’m saying is, even if you are the whole and solely only responsible person for that setback or for that mistake, then be compassionate about it.



As compassionate as you would be to someone else, you know, it’s true that we would never say half of the stuff, half of the negative bad stuff that we say to us in our head, we would never in a million years say that to someone else. And yet, you know, we like if we lack that self compassion, that’s exactly what we’re doing. We’re on ourselves hard about our mistakes and we’re not letting up on that. Now if you don’t lit up on that, resilience is a futile. Honestly, you’re never gonna get there. Right?



That self compassion is is really important. So try and we’ll we’ll get some tips on that in a sec, but, you know, that self compassion and self equipment is is the only way to build resilience. Right? It’s not a a strategic tip along the way. It’s the only one. So that’s that’s kind of makes up the mindset of it, and that’s how, you know, that’s how you throw it. That’s how you come back from that.



And whether you’re, you know, someone one of my clients who display some resilience coming back from setback we talk about that a lot in therapy with with my clients, you know, things that marriage breakdowns, job losses, mistakes that they’ve made, they can’t forgive themselves for. And even, you know, things that they’ve just been in as a bystander in, they haven’t done anything wrong and yet they can’t seem to tap into the resilience to come out of that. That’s really important whether you can take take example from, you know, people that everyday people that I work with or famous people, you know, there’s lots of different famous people who have displayed resilience, and that’s kind of part of their fame. You know, as Australians, we have Torrey Pitt, who is just an amazing example of resilience story was an endurance athlete. He’s an endurance athlete. Who suffered severe burns, you know, to to most of her body during a bush fire where she was doing an ultra marathon. And she was told, you know, she would never walk again, she would certainly never run again or even have full use of her arms again. But since then, of course, she’s competed in, you know, lots and lots of different races, triathlons and ultramarathlons and is now an author of a really, really great book that I highly recommend and a motivational speaker like me. And She is an amazing amazing Australian who’s somehow tapped into that resilience, and she is a great example of the self compassion and the self acceptance. Right? A really great example. And the social support, she has a really great family and a really great support network around her who helped build her backup. And helped her build herself back up.



Another example would be out of goods, who’s, you know, was an indigenous footy player who went through horrific experience towards the end of his career where he was racially vilified and abused and booed and discriminated against during his whole career, but certainly at the end. And the resilience that he showed from that to to once he’s retired to building the platform around racism in footy and in sport in general, in Australian, in general, to promoting First Nations culture and reconciliation. Like, he’s the man. You know, like, he has shown in incredible gratitude, incredible kindness, you know, to be able to come out of situation where he was shown none and still showing kindness and still displayed kindness, you know. Nelson Mandela, another great example, not Australian, but certainly someone who has definitely shown no kindness and maintained kindness and maintained empathy and maintained a sense of self compassion and compassion for others, including his his captors, you know, including the people who prosecuted him to a point where he was then able to hone that and steer that into leadership and And, you know, whether you choose the famous people to be to gain example from or just people in your own life for yourself. Self acceptance, self compassion is the key and whether you can find that. Where however you find that, that’s what you have to find to be able to really start to build the resilience than overcoming obstacles. So there’s a few common challenges though too that that get in the way of resilience.



And Things like fear and shame. And let’s start with them. Like, so fear is is a big one. Fear is very limiting. And we all have these kind of core fears that that we are not enough, that we’re not good enough that we’re not smart enough that we’re not good looking enough, we’re not tall enough, we’re not rich enough, we’re not whatever it might be. Right? Anytime we start a negative thought in our head, which starts with I’m It’s usually, you know, I am too fat. I am too poor. I am too dumb. I you know, whatever. I am invisible. I am unworthy. I am unlovable. Whatever those fees are most often they’re not true for a start. And secondly, most often they are defeatable. You know, that we can attack those and we can we can tap into resilience and rebound from those.



My two, if I will, just speaking personally, my favorite ones of those for me is I am unlovable and I am unworthy. Now, I know that those things intellectually, I know that they’re not true. I know that I’m I’m not unworthy because everything that I’ve achieved and built and and have in life. I’ve I’ve worked fucking hard for and I’ve made lots of sacrifices and I’ve made lots of mistakes along the way to getting it. And I know that I’m I’m not unlovable because I know my kids love me. I know people love me. They say they love me. You know, I I can only take that. I can only take people at what they say. I can only take my kid’s affection and love for what it is. I know that I am not unlovable yet.



My two very strongest core beliefs that I’m unworth and that I’m unlovable and that they’re just not true. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect me. You know, they they still very much archery in my in my head different times. So I have to overcome those things. Right? And and that’s a fear for me.



You know, those common those core beliefs are fears. Things that I’m a frightened of. And you might be frightened of things too. And I’m not talking about, you know, snakes and clowns and things that everyone should be. Right, never. I I mean, you know, I fear being successful. I fear being alone. I I fear making a mistake that is going to or to the course of the entire my entire life. I a fear pushing people away. Whatever it might be. Those fears often the things that we have to be resilient from. And there are common challenges that hinder our resilience as well. So it’s kind of a double kick out the arse, the alphys. So And then there’s shame.



You know, we talked a little bit about shame before, but shame is a debilitating crappy thing that that is almost always in the voice of someone else. It’s always almost always the voice of a neglectful parent, a a hurtful partner. Someone in a schoolteacher, someone in our life, someone in our school life in our childhood that when we were growing up and our brain was forming were were really quite mean to us or limiting to us and and And as a result, we limit ourselves with their words. That is almost always what shame it sounds like, you know. And there’s lots of good work on shame that that you could look into. Obviously, Bernard Brown’s TED Talk on shame is is I think still the most watched Ted talk. And there’s a reason for that shame and vulnerability she talks about, and it is awesome man. It’s so good. Any of her writing and any of her teaching is awesome. But, yeah, I would I would highly recommend that. That’s another common challenge to shame.



The other and another common common challenge to that hinders our intelligence is is our negative self talk. As I said before, the way that we speak about ourselves. You know, even even to the point where and I I talked to my clients a lot about like, even to the point where sometimes you’ll stub your toe or kick your chin or drop a pan that you’re using or, I don’t know, something. Right? And you go, like, you fucking idiot. Right, to yourself. What you’re saying is, I’m an idiot for doing that, for making that mistake. Right? For that tiny, tiny little mistake. And you’re and you’re throwing yourself out for that. Right? You put yourself in the bin for making a tiny little mistake. That’s important. I know it doesn’t seem like much. But it is a hugely impactful thing when it when it mounts up, when it compounds. The negative self talk is big thing.



And and we can we can combat all of those things by just reframing our negative thoughts. Reframing how we speak about ourselves negatively. You know, practicing some self compassion. Right? Yeah. I keep my shitting and that really hurt and I wish I hadn’t done it. But why was it there? Why, you know, why is that thing there? Whatever. Right? Or I could have changed it and I didn’t.



Or, you know, it’s okay to make mistakes. These are the things we tell our kids. If you’re a parent, I’m sure you’ve told your kids it’s okay to make mistakes, brother. But you don’t tell yourself that. Because, you know, for some reason, we have to be perfect and it it’s just futile that. So, you know, I think practicing self compassion reframing negative thoughts. And also then, you know, seeking professional help if you need to get through that as well. These these are ways that you know become the obstacles and and kickstart your resilience. But that’s the point. It has to be kickstarted. And remember, I do think it’s in all of us. Different levels may be, but it is in all of us, and we just need to be able to find it. We need to be able to find the thing that triggers our resilience, and we can field from that. Alright.



So today, I’ve got an academic academic paper is I always have I want to include I want to include a peer reviewed scientific paper each time I make these episodes, and it’s about the theme. And so for you to either have a look at if you want or not. What is up? Top to you. But today’s paper is entitled, predictors of resilience after negative life events, the role of optimism, social for support and cognitive flexibility. So it was published in the Journal of Health Psychology in twenty twenty one. So it’s really recent. And I’ll put the link to the paper in the show notes so you can have a look at yourself.



But it is so good in terms of being relevant to what we’re talking about today. You know, it explores the predictors of resilience after after negative life experience, negative life event. Right? What is what is the thing that that either people recognize they need to be resilient from or the trigger that that triggers their their resilience. And it specifically focuses on the role of being optimistic. And the role of social support around you and then how you can be cognitively flexible. So how you can change your mindset, basically. The three things that we’ve talked about so far in this in this episode.



And in this paper, which is which is really quite quite easy to read. It’s, you know, it’s really well written. The office found that all of those three factors are positively associated with resilience. In other words, social support continuity flexibility and optimism are all positively associated, which means they promote resilience in a person and can can be helpful in resilience. And the paper also showed that that cognitive flexibility, so being able to change in mindset, mediated the relationship between social port and resilience. So it is doubly important to be able to be aware of your mindset and to be able to be flexible in your mindset, even change your mindset.



But to have that growth mindset, not to be stuck in the mindset that says, well, I’m a failure, so I fail. But instead to be in the mindset of, you know, I’ve made a mistake. So how do I how do I come away from that? What can I learn from it? How do I build from it? And then it it provides some really specific insights into specific factors that can help people build their resilience after experiencing setbacks. And and, yeah, it’s a really worthwhile read. There’s lots of scientific sort of jargon in there too at the first bit. But if you get past that, then it’s really it’s really quite useful for giving you some strategies and tips to be able to build your resilience and to come back from setbacks that you’ve experienced in your life too. And now finally, I’m going to just give you some tips and strategies on how to build your resilience. How how do we actually do this this week? So after listening this episode, I’ve, you know, I’ve listened to his episode. I’ve got this setback in my life. I need some takeaways. I need some things to implement this week. So here’s eight of them. Okay?



Number one, practice self care. Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is essential really for building resilience. Include things like getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, getting some regular movement and exercise, engaging in meaningful activities, thing doing things that bring you joy. All of those things are crucial to self care, and self care is crucial to resilience. So that’s number one. Number two, cultivate a growth mindset. Even if you don’t have one, even if you’ve never had one, a growth mindset is the belief again that you can learn and grow from challenges and setbacks. You can you can do something about it. You’re not fixed. Right? Practicing reframing your negative self talk is a good way to do that. Focus on opportunities for growth. Opportunities to learn from things. Be curious. Be brave. Right? All of those things are a way to cultivate a growth mindset even if you’ve never had one be four.



Number three, build social support. Right? Having and this is I run it coming from me, I know. But having a supportive network and family, friends, colleagues, around you who can help you through tough times is important. Make time to connect with others whether it’s in person or online like this. And ask for help when you need it. You know, it’s such a simple thing when you say it out loud, but I know it’s a lot less simple than that. So But, you know, whatever you can do to build social support will help you build your resilience. I I guarantee it.



Number four, practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is the practice of being present and being in the moment and really being non judgmental of that moment. Right? So just being able to put yourself, to set yourself, to ground yourself in a place and not go, oh, god. I’m here again or why am I always here or any of that, but just be able to go. Yep. I’m here. This is where I am. Right? An incorporating mindfulness practices like meditation as I do or deep breathing or breath work or just being concentrate on a smell, something you can smell, something you can hear, something you can taste, something you can touch. All of those things bring you to the present moment. And all of those things can help you manage stress and build resilience from a setback. This is not my opinion. It’s not magic. It’s science.



Practicing mindfulness helps big time in building resilience. As does set setting realistic goals. So number five is set realistic goals. Setting achievable goals and working towards them can help build confidence and build your resilience. You know, breaking larger goals. Into smaller segmented goals, manageable steps and celebrating your progress along the way. I’ve said before in other episodes, and I say to my clients a lot, we’re not not trying to eat the elephant in one sitting. We’re we’re just gonna start with the hooves. Right? Set yourself a little goal, work towards that goal, track your progress towards that goal and most importantly, celebrate the achievement of that goal. Little wins. Celebrating little wins super, super important because if you’re only waiting for the big win, you’re gonna wait a long time and you’re gonna have a lot of setbacks from which you can’t be resilient from which you can’t be resilient and you’re probably not gonna reach the be your be your goal because of that. Right? So set realistic goals small manageable goals, track your progress, celebrate your wins. Number seven sorry.



Number six, practice gratitude. Right, focusing on what you’re grateful for even when times are really difficult can help you build resilience. Try starting a journal maybe or just a practice of being able to either write down what you’re grateful for a couple times a day, one time a day, once a week. I think or even just that when you lie down to go to bed at night, what we’re grateful for happening today. And when you wake up in the morning, just the simple simple process of waking up over your eyes and being grateful for being alive. You know, there’s a lot of people who would swap. Swap you today for the honor and the privilege to be able to wake up alive and move and get out of bed and do something worthwhile and meaningful. So to be grateful for that, you know, I always think he’s in that art. But some days it is. Some days it is for me too. But, you know, I’m I’m trying. And I work hard on that, and I’d love you to work hard on that too.



Number seven of eight is to embrace challenges. Not to not to run away from things facing challenges and taking risks can help you build resilience. Right? It can help you build resilience over time. Practicing, stepping out of your comfort zone, trying new things, being comfortable with being uncomfortable, even if it feels really, really uncomfortable and you’re really fighting against that. These are these are all really important factors, really important things. And to embrace the challenges will show that you can and show that you have and and Resiliator’s muscle memory is. Something you’ve done before that you can remember you can do again. Right? And it’s really important that you are focused on what you’re able to do. What you’ve been able to do before. So embracing challenges is a great way to build resilience.



And then lastly, seeking help from a from a professional like me or somebody else if you need to. If you’re struggling to build the resilience on your own, sometimes it’s just being able to have someone to steer you, to guide you, to listen to you, to give you help with to whoming those those smaller goals, right, to be able to manage to chunk down your goals into manageable steps, to be able to track your progress and help you celebrate your wins. To be able to help you gain some mindfulness, you know, to be able to reframe how you speak and how you think about yourself in something much more positive and much more functional and much more healthy. Right? And sometimes that happens with the help of a mental health professional Sometimes it’s just a really good friend or someone you can speak to. But if you’re struggling to do it on your own, then I’d really encourage you to reach out to somebody who is a mental health professional who will do that in a non judgmental way in a non judgmental environment, which shall help to. And they can offer you that support and guidance and other tools that will help you build your resilience too. Okay. So they’re the eight things that I think you can take this week and run with them in order to build your resilience.



I hope that if you have suffered a setback and you are trying to be resilient from it that this helps and that you’re able to do one or eight of those things this week in order to start to build your resilience and start to create your comeback. Right? I think we all have a right to be happy and safe and content. We all have resilience at some level in-depth within us. Some people access it easier than others, and some people can access it more often and to a greater degree than others. But It’s there for all of us.



We have to work on it though. It is muscle memory. It is something you have to work towards. It is something you have try hard to first identify through self compassion, through self acceptance. So you’re being able to say yes, I made a mistake, but I can learn from it. The growth mindset as opposed to the fixed mindset. And I really hope you’re able to use some of this to move forward from today and start to build your resilience more greatly and more often. I hope you’re having a great day wherever you are, and you can build some resilience spend some kindness on yourself today and and try to be the best version to yourself today and tomorrow. Alright. Here we are.