Episode Transcript

0:00:02

G’Day, and welcome to this bonus episode of the reboot you’re thinking podcast. This is the podcast that reimagines mindset, mindfulness, and mental health from the perspective of somebody who gives and gets therapy. Today, I wanna talk about something a bit different and presented a bit differently. Today, I wanna talk about what a therapy session is actually like. So for a lot of people who have pain free counseling or therapy or have a therapy relation shit with someone like me or another therapist. They’ll know this stuff. Some of it, I guess, is the way that I do it specifically, but For a lot of people, I think they’re just a bit not scared, but just a bit kind of intimidated by the know, what’s it gonna be like? Do I have to share every single thing about my life? Are they going to judge me? All of that sort of stuff. So what I thought today is I would just lay out how it goes with me and it might, you know, just convince someone that it’s not so terrible or it’s not so frightening or whatever and and they’ll have a guy at it so and and benefit from it as I do with my own therapist as well as giving therapy to other people. So I’ve broken it down into kind of what happens from the start right through. So, yeah, I hope this is useful and and and sort of allay some of their fears or at least just explain some of the mystique behind a counseling session or a therapy session with someone. So the way that it usually starts is there is an initial consultation. The very first consultation is really important because it’s just a way of the therapist knowing what the other person is there for, you know, what they’re actually coming for, as well as letting that person who’s receiving the therapy get an idea of what the therapist is like and what the situation and the environment’s gonna be like for them too. It’s typically kind of where we get to know the client and ask about their reasons for seeking therapy. We talk about their background, any concerns they have, what they hope to achieve. So expectations are really important at this point. From therapy. And it’s an input opportunity for the client to get to know me as the therapist and for me to determine if I’m the right fit. For them as well, which is really important and something that’s kind of overlooked a bit. It has to be a good fit both ways. And that initial sort of consult is is the way to work out whether, okay, these guys for me or is guys a bit too laid back or a bit too intense or a bit too whatever. For me, you know, it might not be a good therapy fit. That stuff’s really really important actually.

0:03:02

The second thing is confidentiality. And it’s really the the cornerstone of therapy. It’s it’s In some ways, it’s the most important thing for a lot of people. And at the start of every relationship I have with someone I go through a a confidentiality pledge, a promise that I will keep whatever they say or whatever that I see or whatever they do during during the sessions to myself for my lifetime. And that’s, you know, in accordance with state and federal laws, as well as the benefits of their therapy. So that’s a super important thing. Anything discussed in the therapy session is kept confidential unless the client poses a threat to themselves or others. And I know make that point too that that’s when I would break that confidentiality when they’re when they’re safety or somebody else’s safety is potentially compromised. This means that the client can feel safe to share their deepest stuff with me without fear of being judged or having any repercussions from it.

0:04:09

Active listening is an important part important component of therapy sessions. So as a therapist, one of the most important skills I use is active listening. This means that I am fully present and engaged with the client, listening to what they’re saying, providing feedback that shows that I’m paying attention. Reflective listening techniques like summarizing what they’re saying, paraphrasing what they’ve said, helping the client feel heard and and understood. Not not judging through a listening pose, you know, being very neutral in this being able to say. So so sometimes you would hear me repeat back to you what you said, maybe summarizing it, maybe verbatim, you know, word for word. But it just using these sort of techniques as a way for me to actively listen for a start. So for me to listen what they to what they say. As well as show the client that I am listening and that they are being heard.

0:05:15

Empathy is a key component of therapy, and empathy is totally different than therapy. Right? Empathy means that I’m able to put myself in their shoes and understand their feelings and experiences. I don’t try and live those experiences. I don’t adopt them. I don’t absorb them into my own being. It’s really important for my own boundaries. Right? But being able to demonstrate their our empathy means that I can create a safe space for them to express their emotions and work through their concerns. You know, they have to they a a a therapy client doesn’t have to know that the therapist feels what they feel or has been through what they’ve been through or or whatever. But it but the empathy for that is really important. Do you understand what I’m saying to you. Can you possibly relate to that? Even if you’ve not experienced in your life, these these things are are important for clients.

0:06:22

Open ended questions is something that you’ll experience a lot in therapy. Things like, you know, I tend not to say, does that make you sad? Do you feel angry? I mean, I sometimes I do, but but I’m more likely to say, when you say that you felt angry, what was going on for you in that moment? Or when you say that you calmed yourself from that panic attack, what what was going on around you? What were you able to draw on? What were you saying to yourself? You know, things things like that.

0:07:01

I I use open ended questions that aren’t, yes, no answers. Because it encourages the client to explore their thoughts and feelings in a little bit more depth. It doesn’t let them just have the easier out of being able to say yes or no or I don’t know. You know, these questions that I asked don’t have a right or wrong answer either. And they allow the client to express themselves, you know, in their own works. To be able to say what they’re feeling in the way that they want to say it. They it helps them gain an insight too into you know, what their concerns is and and develop a new perspective potentially.

0:07:45

I’ll find that during a therapy session, a lot of people will say to me. I’ve never I’ve never thought of it like this until this moment, but this is what’s happening, you know. And and a lot of therapy is done by a therapy client. In in the space where I’m able to actively listen show empathy and ask open questions. They often come to you know, moments themselves where they’re like, oh, actually, I think it’s because of this or or they’ll say, you know, that tell me something that’s happened. I say, is that do you think that’s because of my mom? Or do you think that’s because of what my husband’s done? Or you know, whatever it might be. I think a lot of them a lot of clients are coming to these realizations on their own without me. Which is kind of good and kind of like not so good, I guess. But yeah, no, that’s the benefit of therapy is to be able to provide that situation in that environment where people can feel like they can come to their own conclusions. Right?

0:08:54

Setting goals and having objectives is really important for therapy too, you know, working with clients. I identify what their goals are. And then we sort of work out together objectives for the therapy. So there might be some specific issues the client wants to work on like they wanna talk about their anxiety or they wanna talk about their depression or whatever, or broader goals like they want to improve their relationships or they want to have better self esteem. And then we regularly sort of monitor to the progress of these goals to ensure that the therapy is effective and that the client is seeing positive changes.

0:09:36

A really big part of that and something you’ll hear me talk about a lot if you listen to a few of these episodes is we make goals small and manageable and achievable and realistic and time sensitive as well. So you know, we make the goals things that they can achieve little little things. We track the process of those goals. As we go and then we celebrate little wins along the way. These these are really the important part of goal sitting for me and and for my clients because often a a client will come into a therapy session with a massive goal that they really want to you know, achieve something really big and effective and life changing and and all all that’s great. Right? But what what what tends to happen if if they don’t achieve this huge goal in a few weeks, then people get very dissatisfied and discouraged with themselves. And tune out and sometimes the benefit of that therapy is lost. Through, you know, just the goal being too massive and not unrealistic. So small goals that are manageable, that, you know, are are realistic that they can articulate into little small smaller words, smaller aims. Things that are time sensitive. So, you know, by this time of the year, I want this or by this time tomorrow, I will have made this phone call to this person, whatever. We track the process of those goals and then we celebrate little wins. These are really, really important components of goal setting for me.

0:11:19

In in this therapeutic process. So how how do we do it? Like what? What scientific modalities, what practices does a therapist use? They don’t just listen and then you go. Like, there’s there’s a lot going on behind the scenes here. And a lot of this stuff is well, all of this stuff is research driven is science backed is, you know, evidence based.

0:11:47

And for me, there’s different techniques and modalities that I use. And it depends on what the person is presenting to me, what their problem is, what their issues are. And who they are, you know, like what makes them them, how they present to me, all of this is important before we work out. You know, how they’re going to get better is how is what therapeutic technique or approach I’m going to use. So we use the approach that’s best suited for them for them for their clients or for their needs. Sorry. Their goals, you know, it might involve specific techniques, like deep breathing, visualization, meditation, or or broader strategies like reframing negative thought patterns, how they speak about themselves to themselves. All of those things different modalities and different ways in which we can approach therapy with each individual client, and sometimes it’s more than one. You know, sometimes it’s for different issues, different days, different times, I use a different modality with the same client. So it’s it varies greatly, but as a broad kind of rule, I use five different types of therapy, which I know seems like a lot, but it but it they all share sort of similarities. But maybe I thought I’d just go through the five things that I use. And you know, you might be experiencing therapy with a different therapist of or me. And you’ll know some of these things or you’ll know some of the questions and some of the the ways that these things are talked about.

0:13:40

So the first one that I use is cognitive behavioral therapy. CVT. This is probably one of the most well known modalities of therapy approaches and a lot of different therapists use these for a lot of different therapy clients. It’s goal oriented So again, setting setting smart goals, making them manageable, tracking progress, cell rating wins. And it focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. So first, we work together to identify the client’s beliefs and attitudes that may be leading to these concerns. Contributing to where they are. And then we develop strategies strategies to challenge and replace them with more positive and constructive ones.

0:14:35

CBT can be particularly effective in anxiety and depression. And that’s probably why it’s one of the most widely sort of applied approaches to because it works in it with a range of issues. It’s effective for all sorts of different clients and problems, but it’s particularly well suited for clients experiencing anxiety disorders, depression, mood disorders like that. It can also be helpful for clients struggling with negative thought patterns or behaviors. And those who’ve experienced trauma or have difficulty managing stress as a result of that trauma. So a lot of my clients are working through an unresolved childhood trauma, so CBT works particularly well. For for those people.

0:15:26

The second modality that I use is acceptance and commitments acceptance and commitment therapy, I can’t even say. ACT, sometimes you hear it, describe those. It’s a very mindfulness based approach. So centering and grounding and being in the moment approach that emphasizes acceptance of the client’s thoughts and feelings rather than trying to control or eliminate them. So a lot of the time I’ve speak to people about, okay, when you have this negative feeling, instead of trying to dismiss it or kill it, or extinguish it or not feel it. I I really encourage them through ACT to feel it. To really feel that feeling and going, okay, there’s that feeling again. In the past, when I’ve had that feeling, I’ve done this, but now that I have that feeling and I’m wherever I’m going to do this, the better option for that. The so the goal is to help the client develop greater psychological flexibility and learn to live through or leave more in line with these values and goals that they wanna apply. Right? We use mindfulness techniques to help the client become more aware of their thoughts and feelings, develop a greater sense of acceptance, and self compassion. That comes through a a greater emphasis on self awareness, really.

0:17:02

ACT can be effective for clients struggling with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, ICT works really well with a chronic pain. Complex PTSD works really well with other issues related to negative thoughts. Or emotions. Right? You can also be helpful for clients to struggle with self acceptance, with self compassion. Or who might be feeling stuck in certain areas their lives. So a lot of the time up a lot of people will describe to me a sense of feeling stuck that they’re not going backwards, but they’re not going forwards either. And sometimes that’s because they’re not entirely aware of their own feelings, their own emotions, their self awareness isn’t isn’t particularly great, and therefore their self compassion. Isn’t really great. So they feel very stuck and and in in a place where they can’t go forward or back from. ACT works really well with that.

0:18:01

The third one thing I use is motivational interviewing. I use this probably most alongside CBT. But it’s a real client centered approach that helps the client identify their own reasons for change. Developing the motivation to make those changes. So what do you wanna do? What do you wanna see out of this? Where do you wanna go? What do you want your life to look like? And then once they’ve identified those sort of goal oriented things, it’s all about them. Then we work out ways to explore their values and goals and then develop strategies to overcome any obstacles that are stopping them. You know, that might be preventing them from achieving those goals. It’s really important that we first work out their motivation. Right? What they wanna what they wanna do, and then we work out how to how to get there. This approach is particularly effective for clients who might be kind of ambivalent about making changes or who have struggled with motivation in the past.

0:19:09

Motivational interviewing is often used with clients who have that ambivalence about making changes. Or might be struggling with addiction, substance abuse, and other behavioral issues. So it works really well in addiction, both in a substance addiction and a process addiction. It because it allows people to see what they’re doing that isn’t helpful. It allows people to say, this is where I wanna go, and then we work out ways to go there because it’s where they want to go. It’s very very very much about what the client wants. It’s very client centered. It’s got very little to do with me or anyone else around them or in their network or in their family or in their community. It’s very slight. Client centered has to be. It’s helpful for clients that might be resistant to change too. Or have difficulty seeing, setting, and achieving goals. Because what you always come back to and what you always bring it back to is, hang on. This is what you wanted. This is what you told me you wanted, you know, and and that works quite well because it’s very difficult to argue with. Because it is big goals. Right?

0:20:25

Narrative therapy is the fourth one that I use. It’s an approach that focuses on the stories we tell. About ourselves and our lives. It’s very storytelling based. So I work with the client to identify their dominant narratives. Explore how these narratives might be impacting their emotions and their behaviors. Whose story is it? You know, are are we living the life of the story that our parents have for us, that our partner has for us, that our kids have for us, that our society, our culture has for us. This is this is an important thing to identify because then the goal is to help the client develop an alternative, more positive, negative. That promotes growth and promotes change. Without blaming, without aligning, assigning, you know, judgment to anyone else. It’s just, you know, what’s the narrative that you wanna live? What story do you want to live?

0:21:27

It can be particularly effective with clients who’ve experienced trauma. Or might be struggling with issues related to identity, self esteem, self awareness, the the reason it works so well with trauma is often when somebody experiences a trauma, particularly a childhood trauma, it changes their narrative. So it it it gives them a new story. That isn’t theirs, and they start to live the story sometimes of their abuser. If that’s if that’s the nature of their trauma, And so it’s just kind of resetting someone’s narrative, resetting someone’s storytelling thing to bring it back to what they want to achieve. And narrative therapy, yeah, as I said, it’s very it’s very good in trauma, abuse, other significant life events that have impacted the sense of identity or their self worth. If some he’s struggling again with anxiety or depression that works, well, other mental health concerns and who maybe benefit from from exploring the stories. They tell themselves about their lives. The way they tell this the the story that they tell their life, that impacts the story that they tell the world. And storytelling is is really important in my therapy and in my business, actually. Now this is what we’re doing right now. So, yeah, it’s important that I that I use some of that with some of my clients as well.

0:22:56

And the last modality that I rely on quite a bit is using positive psychology. So is what it sounds like, really, it’s an approach that focuses identifying and building the client strength and positive attributes rather than just addressing their weaknesses and problems. Very strengths focus. So what are you good at? What do you feel is positive about you? All of those things help us work together to identify their strengths and then explore how they can use those strengths to achieve their goals overcome the challenges that they might be facing. It’s particularly effective for clients who might be struggling with low self esteem. Or at least just have difficulty even recognizing their their strengths, you know.

0:23:48

Sometimes I I I ask someone to write down three things that they’re particularly good at and some people struggle with that, which is sad, but it’s also telling in in how they feel about themselves and where they are in their own psychology at the time, and it’s probably not a very positive place. And again, that feeling of being stuck in certain areas of their life. This appeals to to clients those that are feeling that as well. And clients who are kinda seeking a personal growth or might be interested in exploring their own strengths. Growth is a very big theme within post positive psychology. And it’s something that we focus on and talk about a lot going from where you were. Where to where you want to be and and where you are in that spectrum, you know. And it’s also really good for clients who are looking to sort of increase their overall sense of well-being and happiness. So real big picture sort of thing, positive psychologists. So that’s the five modalities that I use.

0:25:00

And then another or another part of therapy sessions with with me often is homework. You know, I often give someone a clients one thing not generally any more than one thing to think about or to do in the time, the week, the fortnight, whatever it is before we see each other again. So it’s like an assignment, I guess, to work on between sessions. And that might just include writing down journaling, you know, their thoughts, their feelings. When they have particular feeling what was going on, write that down, they just pro really forces them to be mindful of those things and and really present in the moment when those things are happening. It might be practice seeing relaxation techniques or engaging activities that promote self care? It can be homework can be really valuable for helping clients apply the strategies, the stuff that they’ve learned in therapy to their daily lives. So that’s why I tend to just go one thing because it’s usually just one thing that we talk about in in a therapy session of one focus. And then I go and then I’ll say, you know, okay. The next week before we talk again next Friday. This is I want you to be really aware of that we’ve the stuff that we’ve talked about today, when does that happen? Why does that happen? What are you feeling around when that happens? How have you redirected yourself when that happens. Yeah. Whatever whatever it might be. Homework is really valuable. It’s not right, you know, it’s not hours and hours of work or anything like that. It’s just think about. When you have these feelings, just be mindful of these situations and and write it down or put a tally mark in your phone or whatever it might be just so you have a bit better awareness of what’s going on. Session to session.

0:27:00

Something I thought would be interesting to also mention here is what the therapeutic relationship looks like. The alliance between therapist and client And it’s something that’s really important because it’s the other ones on the most important part of the therapy, and that’s trust. The client has to trust the therapist. They have to trust that they they have their best interest and heart. They have to trust that. They’re going to keep their stuff confidential. They have trust that they that they believe in them too and that they can see the client has a has a better future, has a better, you know, better opportunity.

0:27:45

So the therapeutic is the therapeutic relationship is crucial. And it’s built on trust, it’s built on empathy, it’s built on that collaborative approach between the client and therapist. A good rapport between the client and the therapist can help facilitate, I guess, is the right word, positive outcomes. In therapy and create a safe and supportive environment in doing so for the client. If if we don’t have that, we don’t have any of it really. It has to be there has to be a trust where the rapport a relationship. And I talk about being in relationship with my clients quite a bit because that’s what it is. We we do have a relationship. We have an alliance. There’s a therapeutic alliance between myself and my clients, my clients and I, sister Janet would hate if I if she heard me say that. But that’s a that’s a really important part of the whole therapy relationship, but certainly each session as well.

0:28:55

So and then the last thing is how therapy ends. How the how the sessions end? And they typically end when the client has met their goals or feels that they don’t want to continue therapy anymore. We work together on a plan to create a plan, you know, for ongoing self care outside of the therapy once the therapy ends. And support after the therapy ends. And that might involve strategies that maintain progress. Like practicing mindfulness, continuing their journal, continuing being aware of their feelings and stuff, and knowing that they can always come back and restart therapy if that’s appropriate or that I can refer somebody else to them who who can take them through the next step of their life and then accept their growth and their change. So that’s how therapy ends as a as a larger concept, but also I think since we’re talking about how the sessions go, I think people often get a bit weird about how a therapy session ends as well.

0:30:09

So I I just tell you, oh, I do it. I I tend to send a set an alarm. That goes off on my own five minutes before the end so that so some of my sessions are forty five minutes. Right? So I sit in a loud that will go off in forty minutes. And so when that goes off, it’s a way for the client and me to know, okay, there’s five minutes to go. So we’re not gonna open a can of worms at that point. We’re we’re sort of wrapping up a sitting homework, making sure they’re okay, checking in, all of that, but it lets me also for the forty minutes up to that and the next five minutes to give my client my absolute dedicated attention.

0:30:49

I’m not looking at a clock. I’m not wondering how we’re going, you know, I’m not worried about the next session with the next client or whatever. But yeah, it’s for me, it’s just a way of us both being aware, okay, time’s up, but we’re going to start wrapping it up now. We’re going to focus. We’re going to check-in. We’re going to make sure that everyone It’s okay. And that we can go to the next session from there. It’s just much better than me looking at my watch. Looking at my watch. You know, and and the clock going, well, he’s not even listening to me. He’s looking at the clock, you know. So that’s a way that I do that.

0:31:24

The other thing that’s important to mention here, I guess, is that I don’t I have forty five minute sessions that are booked on an hour or an hour fifteen gaps. So that means you might have a session with me from nine to nine forty five, but my next session is booked in always ten or ten fifteen. So that I have time to finish with you. Be brief, kind of move myself about that, make take all make all the notes that I’ve been taking, put them in the the the the database this area. And then be able to look at who the next client is, look at their notes from the last session, prepare a little bit for that, and then going to their session. So it’s not just rush. It’s not one in one out. I I can’t do it that way. I know other people do it that way, but It just doesn’t work for me. I’m I’m too scattered in my own brain sometimes when I’m not being mindful, so I have to be really I have to be disciplined in that mindfulness for me to be able to go, okay, that’s the end of that one. He’s the next one coming. Let’s go. Yeah. So that’s kind of what goes into each session.

0:32:35

I’d love to answer any questions you have or comments you have on any of that. If you wanna, you can hit me up at nickbaddish across all the socials or on the website at nickbaddish dot com. You can ask me some questions about therapy or or give me some feedback on this session, answer any, but you might disagree. With some of that stuff and I’d love to hear that. You might find that some of that stuff isn’t happening in your therapy sessions and you wanna know more about that, then please ask me that too. Yeah.

0:33:04

I’m happy to answer any questions about therapy sessions, how they actually are conducted, and how they go. That’s how I do it. And I think this is a really good time to stress that everybody does it very differently. My my therapist who I go to does it differently. So It’s really important that you don’t think that there’s a broad stroke here. Everybody does these things differently. I just wanted to tell you how I do it. Which I think might just cut some of the doubt and the worry maybe, but also just that that unknown. About if you’ve never had a therapy session, that’s that’s how it goes. Lots of open ended questions, lots of empathy, lots of active listening. Lots of different therapy approaches that are all evidence based and backed by science and research. And then that’s how they I warm them up with the little alarm going off on my phone five minutes before. And being able to check-in and make sure you’re doing okay. Here’s your homework for this week, you know. I’ll see you there. So that’s kind of how I run it. I’d love to hear any feedback or questions you have from that. But Yeah.

0:34:14

I hope that that helps if you’re thinking about engaging in a therapy session with a therapist. I hope it helps to know how I do that. If you would like, to work with me, then you can do that on the website. You just click on therapy in the menu on neat values dot com. Or hit me up as well. Across the socials and and I’ll yeah. Let’s have a chat.

0:34:36

But whether it’s with me or whether it’s with someone else, I hope that if therapy is right for you that you’re reaching out and getting it started, it’s not scary. It’s actually wonderful. It’s changed my life. It’s saved my life. Receiving therapy from somebody else. So I hope that you’re able to experience something as positive that as that from your own therapy as well. We backed this as I said, this is a bonus session. So again, on Monday, the next session. The next podcast episode will drop. But I hope you’re having a good day wherever you are. And listening to this. I’d love to know how you listen to these two. Like, do you listen to these while you’re running, while you’re walking, do you while you’re relaxing while you’re trying to go to sleep, maybe my voice pushes to sleep. I don’t know if that’s a great thing. But I’d love to hear that too. Let me know. But yeah, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. I hope you’re having a great day and hope you are are chasing the best the very best version of yourself. Alright.