Your Advice Sucks Live

Anyone who gives you advice thinks you’re an idiot.

Think about that for a second. Read it again, and tell me I’m wrong.

Nobody is offering advice to someone they think is smarter than them, or wiser than them, or more experience or more successful or more powerful than them, are they?

Advice is usually given down, not up.

It’s a symptom of a power imbalance between people. It’s mean, and judgemental, and self-righteous. And I reckon that in about 9 times out of 10, advice was neither asked for, needed, or wanted, and yet was given anyway. We just can’t help ourselves.

I know this because it used to be me.

I was the most judgemental and sanctimonious person ever. I couldn’t wait to give you advice on your life or on the behaviour of your children, or on your relationship. This was all obviously before my own life was examined, I had my own children, and my marriage ended. There is something particularly and sensationally arrogant about giving people parental advice before you have had any children of your own, but there I was.

Fast forward through years of therapy, a couple of stints in rehab, four beautiful yet imperfect children (like everyone’s), a crappy divorce, and getting qualified as a therapist and offering trauma therapy to loads of other imperfect people, and I am a very different person today.

To a point.

My battle to not to be so judgey and self-righteous is a constant one. Not with my therapy clients, that’s easy. I know my job there is to mostly just listen and help them find their own answers in a safe and supportive space. But outside of that, I still want to tell my friends and family what they are doing wrong and how much better they could it if they just listened to me and took my advice!

Ironic, huh?

I’m not saying that everyone who offers someone advice is some kind of eg0-driven megalomaniac monster. 

Not all of them …